Kundalini Story #1
 

Ive had pre-kundalini symptoms since age 17, but the symptoms came full blown 6 years ago after I began meditating. I was nauseas and shakey off and on. My teeth would chatter all the time and my mind would drift very far away quite easily. I felt twitching in the muscles of my back and legs that eventually resulted in full body pain and stiffness making it difficult for me to walk at times. I was hoping I just had the flu, but I knew in my heart something very different was going on. Along with these physical symptoms there were perceptual and emotional changes that were very disturbing. I felt very tall at times. Like I was very high off the ground when I looked down. I felt removed from the world like an actor in a play. There were long crying spells and feelings of dread, horror and the sense that I was going to die. I would experience strange breathing patterns and various trance like states. I had no idea what was happening to me. I had never heard of kundalini. I had an urge to be cleansed and made useful to the world, but I had no idea what this meant.

I did not fare well during this intense time. I wasn't able to work or take care of my child. He was grief stricken at the sudden change in my behavior. I consulted several professionals which resulted in more confusion and desperation. I became suicidal and very ill for a long period. Slowly, after receiving psychiatric help, I was able to work for a few years until new kundalini symptoms appeared which included seeing colors and snakes, involuntary body movements (yoga postures and chanting), vivid symbolic dreams, trance states, a feeling of detachment and perceptual changes, laughing and crying spells, hot and cold spells and fear. I felt like I was posessed and may go crazy or simply disinegrate. I wanted to die. It became difficult again to take care of my daily needs. To my good fortune, this is when I saw Swami Ganga-Puri Kaliuttamananda-Giri who at that time went by the name of Ganga Karmokar on the internet. The statement that she had went through kundalini
 nd it had now completed immediately drew my attention.

I never in my dreams thought I would have a Guru. It was not something I was looking for. I just desperately wanted someone to help me understand what was happening to me. I never expected to be so fortunate as to find a kundalini master, a Sat Guru, but this has been the best thing.

This may sound extreme to others, but I really feel like I owe my life to her, dear Swamiji. I have known her for almost two years now and was able to get back to work two months after meeting her. My son is happy that he has a stable mother back. Not only has Swamiji answered all my questions and explained all of the symptoms which has quelled my fears immensely, I have also had a chance to watch her do the same with all the seekers that 
come to her. She is there for each and everyone, answering questions day and night. I have never felt pressured to be anything but myself. The energy around her is very calming as if one can just let go and be for the first time. She has normalized all concerns and fears I have brought to her and directed them swiftly towards the self. This has helped me begin to understand what it really feels like to relax. As a result I have progressed quickly and am relaxed with the changes. Often I have the sense that I am nothing. Other times that all is the self. The mind automatically stills at times. I'm continuing to manifest the kryas and spontaneous chanting. The behavior seems to flow in to my daily life easily and I rarely dwell on it or worry about it. I just feel a great connection with Swamiji and never feel intimidated in her presence or like I owe her something in return. She's a bright light in the darkness. It's a blessing to be near her.

Love to all on their journey to the self. I would be happy to answer any questions. Swamiji has my e-mail address.

Love and Blessings Sat*Chit*Anand shanti-shanti-shanti Om

GuruSwamiG Online Ashram