Namaste - i am now currently 52 years of age. You could say that my only subject now is Truth.... and here is my personal story..... Born in the US, i was a searcher for truth at a young age.... at the age of 18 i joined an esoteric christian order.... during the evening rituals while kneeling at the altar Father Blighton layed hands upon my head. At that moment a bolt of gold light went through my body...it was like lightening hit... absolute gold... i entered a state of samadhi... (at the time i had no idea of what samadhi was) this samadhi lasted a period of 3 days.(The samadhi was consisting of the feeling of being conected to ALL of creation yet separate as a witness and not involved ) ... along with it there came seeing energy... auras around people and a purple aura around the cross on the altar and gold around one on the wall.... witness and not involved ) ... along with it

After leaving the order i stayed with the Krishna Consciousness movement for about a year..... during this time i learned much about Bhakti ...... One day when Srila Prabhupada was coming in from his morning walk ..... i was standing with some flower malas and waiting for Darshan.... while walking by his eyes fell upon me and he motioned me to follow him.... this was highly unusual as only initiate devotees of high standing were afforded private interveiws with him..... i never took initiation but was sincere and indeed leaded towards the Bhakti inclinations... when we arrived within his private quarters he asked me to place the mala's on his Radha & Krishna deities... and with this he looked at me point blank and said "Within This lifetime you will reach Self-Realization"..... it is apparent that there was a knowing within that my path was not to stay within the krishna movement.... and yet he wanted to share this with me.... to spur me on.... i put my hands together in Namaste.... thanked him..... and left the order..... my time there had come to its conclusion..... i am ever greatful for the lessons learned while there......

From the Krishna Consciousness movement the interim years were spent in Internal Contemplations and in search and understanding various religious texts.... Much wisdom came as my prayer was always to Know the Truth.... My singular prayer was for Truth above all things.....

At the age of 29 i decided to sit and meditate... sitting on the floor suddenly there was a vibration at the end of the tail bone... mulhadara chakra.... then suddenly extreme heat rose up the spine....going to bed that evening i could not sleep... i complained to my husband that the birds were making so much noise it was impossible to sleep.... it sounded as if a hundred were in a tree all chirping at once.... i was informed it was the middle of the night and there were no birds.... thus started what was to be long years of pain and numerous kundalini created manifestations..... this lasted until completion in the year 1999.... during the time of manifestation it felt as if i would spontaneouly combust the heat being so intense... and the nervous system felt as if it was short circuiting everywhere at once.... there were spontaneous mudras (hand gestures) and kriyas that happened.... energy moved through the body uncontrolled.... at one time it felt as if ice cold water were poured into the heart area.... there were dreams of fires and snakes...For many months and years.... the mental modifications included extreme depression.... then feeling the pain of the world... then as one absolutely dead... these were all lasting over one to two years in duration... siddhis came such as the ability to feel whatever was happening in another persons body and the ability to heal pain.... this process continued to unfold until coming to india and being pulled into a nirvakalpa samadhi.... beyond
subject and object a merging within the Self..... from that point the old self with its fears died.... what emerged was liberation - knowing what IS the Essense of ALL LIFE...... A Merging of Shakti into Shiva had occured....i am now a speaker of truth.... and willing to help others through thier kundalini awakening experience....

Here is a list of happenings... during the process:

1. Seeing lights internal and external
2. extreme heat up spine
3. nervous system extremely sensitive feeling as if short-circuiting
4. natural kriyas(vibrations of body - body movements and energy in
patterned movements)
5. spontaneous hand mudras
6. various sounds heard internally
7. knowledge on various subjects would be known immediately in whole..
8. siddhis of various natures came and went
9. expanded consciousness
10. ended when Self was reached while in Nirvakalpa Samadhi... or THAT which i term the Formless Constant (when subject and object end in absolute quiet mind)
11. now resting in Anand...and the Peace Which passes understanding...
simply a stillness remains in the Mind.... no thought a resting Silence.. (true Mouna) the manifestations of kundalini that were long and difficult ended when Nirvakalpa was entered into.... the false ideations of the limited ego self (or that which seeks to control its limitations) ended or that which sees itself as the form which is within life and death was transcended....the experience of kundalini ended within Self-enquiry... it took everything to its natural end which is simply the beginning....... this is backed by Ramana Maharishis findings also...In the end all relative knowledge that had been aquired.... all the mysteries and ceremonies .... all the Love and Devotion... all the sacrifice and suffering... everything that had been held was released.... the powers.... the ideations.... the conditionings... All was surrendered to the Divine and in one brief moment - that was ever eternal.... Exitance was unalterably changed.... i no longer saw the transient as separate from the Eternal..... no longer see the outer show as me and Thee..... the me in the end that personality which moves exists not - matters not.... it is simply the ideations of limited mind created by the encapsulation of the Formless within form...... but the Sprit is ever FREE of form..... there is no Death.... THAT is and always has been the ONE Eternal Nature..... and we are simply sparks within THAT DIVINE BEING.... there is no you and i separate... there is Simply THAT BEING.... empty in nature.... containing all things yet holding nothing..... That spark of Life is ever untouched by any of the mental modifications or ideations of form....Life is now lived in the
Eternal Now....... thankyou for allowing this story to be shared....

Love and Blessings Sat*Chit*Anand shanti-shanti-shanti Om

swamiji@kundalinisupport.com